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Broken and torn about husband's meth use
silver
starr |
Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
I am a 34
year old wife and mother. My husband has a meth problem. It has
become worse over the last 3-4 years. I left him a year ago
because of his meth use. He straightened up and i went back to
him. It was wonderful for a year. Now he has started using
again. We are losing everything. He gives me no money. I am
taking care of everything kids and bills. I am tired. I feel
like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I know that he
needs to hit bottom before he sees the light. If he ever will. I
don't know if I should give him another chance to be a family or
not. He has lied to me so much and so often that i don't know if
i can believe him or not if he did say that he was going to
quit. I am so upset. I have 2 children that i have to make my
priority. I know that he loves me and the kids. But meth is
coming up first. Please please help. I try so hard to make sure
that i keep everything normal for the kids. But it is getting to
be so hard. And i am sooo sad all the time. |
Replies... |
Corina
08 |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
I am sorry
to hear about your situation with your husband.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Your two
kids are the priority and it is good you are thinking that way.
I do believe that hitting rock bottom is what he may need to
really clean himself up and get the help he needs. It's hard to
be a single mom and live without the man you love....but I am
sure it would be harder staying with someone who is addicted to
meth and unable to do the right thing for himself and his
family.
I wish you the best....hugs to you and your family.
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silly
veronica |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
Welcome to
KCI.
What did he do last year to help him stop using? Did he go
through any recovery, or did he just stop using (abstinence)?
Abstinence is not recovery, as you've just witnessed. There are
underlying issues that cause people to use meth (or any
drug/alcohol) and until those issues are resolved, the potential
for relapse is great.
I understand you wanting to be a family ... but I would wait for
ACTIONS (not words).
Take care of you, and take care of your children - be supportive
of him if he truly seeks out recovery, but it is for him to
seek.
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silver
starr |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
No. He did
not go into a program. He just quit. Said that he was strong and
just wouldn't use anymore.
I am going to talk to him on Saturday. Made plans for the kids
to be away for the weekend.
I am hoping that he will choose to do the right thing. Otherwise
i am going to have to leave. It is the last thing that I want in
the whole world. But i am just enabling him. I pay the bills buy
the food wash his clothes... He blows all his money on Meth and
god know what. He doesn't help me take care of anything. I am
soooo scared. This is not what i want.
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Really
Sad
|
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
I was in a
similar situation. Two kids- I am 35 now. I had to move away
from my ex to keep me and the girls safe. It was not fair for
the kids to see such turmoil. Up until 6 months ago, I was the
"bad guy" for leaving. But now, finally, after 3 years he
realizes I did the right thing, admits to his guilt, lies, and
hiding his drug use. He really thought I was sneaking men in the
house, and heard things that weren't there. He now says he
realizes that it was the drug, but at the time, it was VERY real
to him. He said at the time, he couldn't accept the fact that a
drug could make him delusional, and he was so convinced I was
cheating. He made himself sick over it and drove us away. If
your husband REALLY wants to quit, I would be supportive, but
with boundaries. Like Silly V said, if he doesn't DO anything,
and just talks about it, nothing is going to change. My ex is
finally seeking out meetings, etc, to get help. Good luck to
you!
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wendy |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
silverstarr
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. I
know how hard it is to love someone who is addicted to meth. And
to hurt everyday feeling like there is nothing you can do. And
can only imagine how hard it is with children. Only you can
decide what to do. It will be hard either way. You seem like a
smart woman. I think you are doing the right thing right now,
putting your children and yourself first. Offer your husband
help, but remember he has to want to get help himself. I wish
you the best.
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soso
confused |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
Hi,
I am in the same boat as you. Paying ALL the bills, while he is
out of town "working." I never see any money, he never calls and
leaves us for weeks at a time. I think the phrase "Actions speak
louder than words" is very accurate. When he is coming down, he
seems to come around, sleep and than cry to me about all that
has gone wrong. Then I start to think things may go back to the
way they were and then he ups and disappears! This pattern has
gone on for over a year. Finding this website has made me
realize how powerful this drug is. He once was a productive,
working father and husband. Now he is a scrawny, unhealthy
looking liar of a man. It is really sad. For me it is time to
call it quits. For you, I don't know. Try not to enable him that
is all I can say. It is very hard to give up the idea of having
the old happy family again. Good luck to you.
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nine
years
clean |
Re: Broken and torn about
husband's meth use
Hi
sweetheart, and welcome. You are not alone. Know that, if
nothing else is sure in your life right now. Okay?
Quote:
But meth is coming up first.
Sorry to say, but meth will always come
first unless he is working a program of recovery, which more
often than not, has to be voluntary, not forced.
Quote:
I know that he loves me and the kids.
No doubt, the guy you know and love does
love you and the kids, but....he is not the guy you knew and
loved. He is a meth addict. It's not good. The only thing that
means anything to him now, is meth...more meth...sorry, but it's
true.
I was a meth addict for 13 years; been clean 10+ years; I'm 50
now; I lost everything that ever mattered to me; I know of what
I speak.
I look back and I can't believe the hold that shyt had on me.
Yes, there is always hope, but I think you have your hands full
just recovering from this sick relationship and caring for your
children at the same time. His addiction: his responsibility.
Another thing: addicts are academy award winners when it comes
to blaming other people for their "problem". It is never
their fault; never their responsibility; never their own doing.
That is classic addict thinking. But that is a lie.
You didn't cause it.
Your kids didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
Your kids can't control it.
Nor, sadly, can you, or your kids, cure it.
Get away from him; get you and your kids safe. That is the best
you can do right now.
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See also:
Husband / Boyfriend Use of Meth Topics
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